Waves of Grief

When will this be over?

 

When will my grief end?

There can never be a final deadline, since grief never goes away, just transforms into wisdom and perspective, and taps you on the shoulder periodically so that you don’t forget.

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When you start to feel free of preoccupation with your loss, when you can remember and smile, when you don’t have to hide from triggers that remind you, you are getting there. 

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When you know that the loss is real,

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When you can feel pleasure, and can function – eat, sleep, fulfill your roles and duties,

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When you resume a comfortable social life,

 

When you can see to the practical duties of settling the estate, dealing with belongings,

 

When you can face the future with optimism, making and carrying out plans,

 

When you can find meaning in your loss, create a legacy to pass on,

 

When you can incorporate the loss into the story of your life, tying this loss to others you have survived and locating your resilience,

 

You are definitely getting there.

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Why can't I grieve faster?

Any loss carries other secondary losses with it, which also need to be grieved. It helps to be aware of them, as it helps to explain why we can't speed through grieving. 

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