Waves of Grief

Worries

 

How do I find closure? 
Closure is a pop culture term that does not seem very helpful to individual grievers. Instead of seeking closure, practice daily actions that bring you closer to a “new normal.”  It is not about turning a corner and finding everything settled, but about working your way through day by day. 

 

How can you tell the difference between grief and depression? 
It can be very difficult since there is much overlap. A mental health professional is the best person for the job. Of course, any issues that threaten health or safety – inability to eat or sleep, or suicidal thought or impulses should be evaluated by a professional. 

 

My father died six months ago and my mother still talks to him. Is this healthy? 
The practice of talking to dead loved ones is very common, if rarely acknowledged. It is often a helpful coping mechanism to keep the conversation going, part of holding on to the relationship while adjusting to the physical absence.  It would be a problem if accompanied by a delusion that the person is not really dead. 

 

Just when I feel like I’m finally making progress, one little thing will trigger me off and I’m back at the beginning, crying and carrying on. 
You aren’t back at the beginning, you are just where you are. Grief doesn’t march along in an orderly set of stages. It’s always there and sometimes leaps out to ambush you just when you don’t want it to, like in public. You don’t need to criticize yourself or be discouraged. Just know that this is how grief acts, and remember that overall, its strength wanes over time. 

 

How long should grieving take? 
There is no timeline. Do not believe anyone who tells you it should take six months, or a year. There is wide variation. Grief takes as long as it takes, but its punch lessens over time.